Musicals - Cats: Whole Musical Lyrics

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1.Prologue: Jellicle Songs For Jellicle Cats

Are you blind when you're born? Can you see in the dark?

Dare you look at a king? Would you sit on his throne?

Can you say of your bite that it's worse than your bark?

Are you ***** of the walk when you're walking alone?

Because Jellicles are and Jellicles do

Jellicles do and Jellicles would

Jellicles would and Jellicles can

Jellicles can and Jellicles do

When you fall on your head do you land on your feet?

Are you tense when you sense there's a storm in the air?

Can you find your way blind when you're lost in the street?

Do you know how to go to the Heaviside Layer?

Because Jellicles can and Jellicles do

Jellicles do and Jellicles can

Jellicles can and Jellicles do

Jellicles do and Jellicles can

Jellicles can and Jellicles do

Can you ride on a broomstick to places far distant?

Familiar with candle, with book and with bell?

Were you Whittington's friend? The Pied Piper's assistant?

Have you been an alumnus of Heaven and Hell?

Are you mean like a minx? Are you lean like a lynx?

Are you keen to be seen when you're smelling a rat?

Were you there when the pharoahs commissioned the sphinx?

If you were, and you are, you're a Jellicle cat

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

We can dive through the air like a flying trapeze

We can turn double sumersaults, bounce on a tire

We can run up a wall, we can swing through the trees

We can balance on bars, we can walk on a wire

Jellicles can and Jellicles do

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

Can you sing at the same time in more than one key

Duets by Rossini and waltzes by Strauss

And can you (as cats do) begin with a 'C'

That always triumphantly brings down the house?

Jellicle cats are queen of the nights

Singing at astronomical heights

Handling pieces from the Messiah

Hallelujah, angelical choir

The mystical divinity of unashamed felinity

Round the cathedral rang "Vivat,"

Life to the Everlasting Cat!

Feline, fearless, faithful and true

To others who do - what

Jellicles do and Jellicles can

Jellicles can and Jellicles do

Jellicle cats sing Jellicle chants

Jellicles old and Jellicles new

Jellicle song and Jellicle dance

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

Pactical cats, Dramatical cats

Pragmatical cats, Fanatical cats

Oratorical cats, Delphicoracle cats

Skeptical cats, Dispeptical cats

Romantical cats, Penantical cats

Critical cats, Parasitical cats

Allegorical cats, Metaphorical cats

Statistical cats and Mystical cats

Political cats, Hypocritical cats

Clerical cats, Hysterical cats

Cynical cats, Rabbinical cats

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

There's a man over there with a look of surprise

As much as to say Well now, how about that?

Do I actually see with my own very eyes

A man who's not heard of a Jellicle cat?

What's a Jellicle cat? What's a Jellicle cat?

2.The Naming Of Cats

The naming of cats is a difficult matter,

It isn't just one of your holiday games

You may think that I'm as mad as a hatter

When I tell you a cat must have three different names

First of all, there's the name that the family use daily

Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo, or James

Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Baily -

All of them sensible, everyday names

There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter

Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames

Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter -

But all of them sensible, everyday names

But I tell you a cat needs a name that's particular

A name that's peculiar, and more dignified

Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular

Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?

Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum

Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo or Coricopat

Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum -

Names that never belong to more than one cat

But above and beyond there's still one name left over

And that is the name that you never will guess;

The name that no human research can discover

But the cat himself knows, and will never confess

When you notice a cat in profound meditation

The reason, I tell you , is always the same

His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation

Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name

His ineffable, effable, effanineffable

Deep and inscrutable singular name

Name, name, name, name, name, name

3.The Invitation To The Jellicle Ball

Jellicle cats come out tonight

Jellicle cats come one come all

The Jellicle Moon is shining bright

Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball

Jellicle cats come out tonight

Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball

Jellicle cats come out tonight

Jellicle cats come one come all

The Jellicle Moon is shining bright

Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball

Jellicle cats come out tonight

Jellicle cats come one come all

The Jellicle Moon is shining bright

Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball

Jellicle cats meet once a year

At the Jellicle Ball where we all rejoice

And the Jellicle leader will soon appear

And make what is known as the Jellicle Choice

That's when Old Deuteronomy just before dawn

Through a silence you feel could cut with a knife

Announces the cat who can now be reborn

And come back to a different Jellicle life.

For waiting up there is the Heaviside layer

Full of wonders one Jellicle only will see

And Jellicles ask because Jellicles dare

Who will it be?

4.The Old Gumbie Cat

I have a Gumbie cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots.

Her coat is of the tabby kind with tiger stripes and leopard spots

All day she sits beneath the stairs or on the steps or on the mat

She sits and sits and sits and sits and that's what makes a Gumbie cat

That's what makes a Gumbie cat

But...

When the day's hustle and bustle is done

Then the Gumbie cat's work is but hardly begun

And when all the family's in bed and asleep

She tucks up her skirts to the basement to creep

She is deeply concerned with the ways of the mice

Their behavior's not good and their manners not nice

So when she has got them lined up on the matting

She teaches them music, crocheting and tatting

I have a Gumbie cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots

The curtain cord she likes to wind and tie it into sailor knots

She sits upon the windowsill, or anything that's smooth and flat

She sits and sits and sits and sits, and that's what makes a Gumbie cat

That's what makes a Gumbie cat

But...

When the day's hustle and bustle is done

Then the Gumbie cat's work is but hardly begun

She thinks that the *****roaches Need employment

To prevent them from Idol and wanton destroyment

So she's formed from that lot of disorderly louts

A troop of well disciplined helpful Boy Scouts

With a purpose in life and a good deed to do

And she's even created a beetles tattoo!

FOR SHE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW!

Thank you my dears

5.The Rum Tug Tugger

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat

If you offer me pheasant I'd rather have grouse

If you put me in a house I would much prefer a flat

If you put me in a flat then I'd rather have a house

If you set me on a mouse then I only want a rat

If you set me on a rat then I'd rather chase a mouse

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat

And there isn't any need for me to shout it

For he will do as he do do

And there's no doing anything about it

The Rum Tum Tugger is a terrible bore

When you let me in, then I want to go out

I'm always on the wrong side of every door

And as soon as I'm at home, then I'd like to get about

I like to lie in the bureau drawer

And I make such a fuss if I can't get out

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat

And there isn't any need for you to doubt it

For he will do as he do do

And there's no doing anything about it

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious beast

My disobliging ways are a matter of habit

If you offer me fish then I always want a feast

When there isn't any fish then I won't eat rabbit

If you offer me cream then I sniff and sneer

For I only like what I find for myself

So you'll catch me in it right up to my ears

If you put it away on the larder shelf

The Rum Tum Tugger is artful and knowing

The Rum Tum Tugger

Doesn't care for a cuddle

But I'll leap upon your lap in the middle of your sewing

For there's nothing I enjoy like a horrible muddle

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat

The Rum Tum Tugger doesn't care for a cuddle

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat

And there isn't any need for me to spout it

For he will do as he do do

And there's no doing anything about - it!

6.Grizabella the Glamour cat

Remark the cat who hesitates towards you

In the light of the door which opens on her like a grin

You see the border of her coat is torn and stained with sand

And you see the corner of her eye twist like a crooked pin

She haunted many a low resort near the grimy road of Tottenham Court

She flitted about the no man's land

From "The Rising Sun" to "The Friend at Hand"

And the postman sighed as he scratched his head

"You'd really had thought she ought to be dead"

And who would ever suppose that that was Grizabella the Glamour cat

Grizabella the Glamour cat, Grizabella the Glamour cat

Who would ever suppose that that was Grizabella the Glamour cat

7.Bustopher Jones

Bustopher Jones is not skin and bones

In fact, he's remarkably fat

He doesn't haunt pubs, he has eight or nine clubs

For he's the St. James's Street cat!

He's the cat we all greet as he walks down the street

In his coat is fastidious black

No common - place mousers have such well cut trousers

Or such an impeccable black

In the whole of St. James the smartest of names is

The name of this Brummell of cats

And we're all of up proud to be nodded or bowed to

By Bustopher Jones in white spats

My visits are occasional to The Senior Educational

And it is the against the rules

For any one cat to belong both to that

And The Joint Superior Schools

When I'm seen in a hurry there's probably curry

At The Siamese or at The Glutton

When I look full of gloom then I've lunched at The Tomb

On cabbage, rice pudding and mutton

In the whole of St. Jame's the smartest of names is

The name of this Brummel of cats

And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to

By Bustopher Jones in white, Bustopher Jones in white

Bustopher Jones in white spats

So much in this way passes Bustopher's day

At one club or another he's found

It can be no surprise that under our eyes

He has grown unmistakably round

He's a twenty - five pounder Or I am a bounder

And he's putting on weight every day

But I'm so well preserved because I've observed

All my life a routine, and I'd say

I am still in my prime, I shall last out my time

That's the word from the stoutest of cats

It must and it shall be spring in Pall Mall

While Bustopher Jones wears white, Bustopher Jones wears white

Bustopher Jones wears white spats

8.Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer we're a notorious couple of cats

As knockabout clowns, quick - change comedians

Tight - rope walkers and acrobats

We have an extensive reputation, we make our home in Victoria Grove

This is merely our centre of operation for we are incurably given to rove

If the area window was found ajar

And the basement looked like a field of war

If a tile or two came loose on the roof

Which presently ceased to be waterproof

If the drawers were pulled out from the bedroom chests

And you couldn't find one of your winter vests

Or after supper one of the girls suddenly missed her Woolworth pearls

Then the family would say, "It's that horrible cat!

It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer!"

And most of the time they left it at that

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer have an unusual gift of the gab

They are highly efficient cat burglars as well and remarkably smart at a smash and grab

We make their home in Victoria Grove, we have no regular occupation

We are plausible fellows who liked to engage a friendly policeman in conversation

When the family assembled for Sunday dinner

Their minds made up that they wouldn't get thinner on

Argentine joint, potatoes and greens

Then the cook would appear from behind the scenes

And say in a voice that was broken with sorrow

"I'm afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow

The joint has gone from the oven like that!"

Then the family would say, "It's that horrible cat!

It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer!"

And most of the time they left it at that

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer have a wonderful way of working together

And some of the time you would say it was luck and some of the time you would say it was weather

We go through the house like a hurricane and no sober person could take his oath

Was it Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer? Or could you have sworn that it might have been both?

When you heard a dining room smash or up from the pantry there came a loud crash

Or down from the library came a loud ping

From a vase which was commonly said to be Ming

Then the family would say: "Now which was which cat?

It was Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer and there's nothing at all to be done about that"

9.Old Deuteronomy

I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

CAST:

Well of all things can it be really

Yes, no, ho, hi, oh my eye!

My mind may be wondering but I confess

I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

MUNKUSTRAP:

Old Deuteronomy's lived a long time

He's a cat who has lived many lives in succession

He was famous in Proverb and famous in rhyme

A long while before Queen Victoria's accession

THE RUM TUM TUGGER:

Old Deuteronomy's buried nine wives

And more I am tempted to say-ninety nine

And his numerous progeny prospers and thrives

And the villiage is pround of him in his decline

MUNKUSTRAP:

At the sight of that placid and grand phsiognomy

When he sits in the sun on the vicarage wall

The oldest habitant croaks

MUNKUSTRAP AND THE RUM TUM TUGGER:

Well of all things can it be really

Yes, no, ho, hi, oh my eye!

My mind may be wondering but I confess

I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

CAST (2X):

Well of all things can it be really

Yes, no, ho, hi, oh my eye!

My mind may be wondering but I confess

I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

CAST:

Well of all things can it be really

Yes, no, ho, hi, oh my eye!

OLD DEUTERONOMY:

My legs may be tottery I must go slow

And be careful of Old Deuteronomy

10.Of the awful battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles

Together with some account

Of the participation

Of the Pugs and the Poms, and the intervention of the Great Rumpus Cat

Munkustrap

Jellicle Cats meet once a year

On the night we make the Jellicle Choice

And now that the Jellicle Leader is here,

Jellicle Cats can all rejoice!

Of the awful battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles

Together with some account

Of the participation

Of the Pugs and the Poms, and the intervention of the Great Rumpus Cat

The Pekes and the Pollicles, everyone knows,

Are proud and implacable, passionate foes;

It is always the same, wherever one goes

And the Pugs and the Poms, although most people say

That they do not like fighting. Yet, once in a way,

They now and again join into the fray

And they:

All

Bark Bark Bark Bark

Munkustrap

Until you could hear them all over the park

Now on the occasion of which I shall speak

Almost nothing had happened for nearly a week

(And that's a long time for a Pol or a Peke).

The big Police Dog was away from his beat -

I don't know the reason, but most people think

He slipped into the Wellington Arms for a drink -

And no one at all was about on the street

When a Peke and a Pollicle happened to meet.

They did not advance, or exactly retreat,

But they glared at each other, and scraped their hind feet,

And they:

Peke

Bark

Pollicle

Bark

Peke

Bark

Pollicle

Bark

Peke

Bark

Pollicle

Bark

Peke

Bark

Munkustrap

Until you could hear them all over the park

And they:

Pekes

Bark

Pollicles

Bark

Pekes

Bark

Pollicles

Bark

Pekes

Bark

Pollicles

Bark

Pekes

Bark

Munkustrap

Until you could hear them all over the park

Now the Peke, although most people may say what they please,

Is no British Dog, but Heathen Chinese

And so all the Pekes, when they heard the uproar,

Some came to the window, some came to the door;

There was surely a dozen, more likely a score.

And together they started to grumble and wheeze

In their huffery-snuffery Heathen Chinese.

But a terrible din is what Pollicles like,

For your Pollicle Dog is a Doryorkshire tyke,

Pollicles

There were dogs out of every nation

The Irish, the Welsh, and the Dane

The Russian, the Dutch, the Dalmation

And even from China and Spain

From the poodle, the balmy Alstation

And the Basset who growls on the train

Munkustrap

And to those that are frisky and frollicle

That my mean be perfectly plain

Pollicles

That my name is Little Tom Pollicle

And you better not do it again!

Munkustrap

And his braw Scottish cousins are snappers and biters,

And ever dog-jack of them notable fighters;

And so they stepped out with their pipers in order,

Playing When the Blue Bonnets Came Over the Border

Then the Pugs and the Poms held no longer aloof,

But some from the balcony, some from the roof,

Joined in

To the din

With a:

All

Bark Bark Bark Bark

Munkustrap

Until you could hear them all over the park

All

Huffery-snuffery, huffery-snuffery,

Huffery-snuffery, huffery-snuff!

Munkustrap

Until you could hear them all over the park.

All

(Barking)

Munkustrap

NO!!

When these bold heroes together assembled,

The traffic all stopped, and the Underground trembled,

And some of the neighbors were so much afraid

That they started to ring up the Fire Brigade.

When suddenly up from a small basement flat.

Why who should stalk out but,

All

The Great Rumpus Cat!

Munkustrap

His eyes were like fireballs fearfully blazing,

He gave a great yawn, and his jaws were amazing;

And when he looked out through the bars of the area,

You never saw anything fiercer or hairier.

What with the glare of his eyes and his yawning,

The Pekes and the Pollicles quickly took warning.

He looked to the sky and he gave a great leap -

And they every last one of them scattered like sheep.

And when the Police Dog returned to his beat,

There wasn't a single one left on the street.

All

All hail and all bow to the Great Rumpus Cat!

Old Deuteronomy

Jellicle Cats and Dogs all must

Pollicle Dogs and Cats all must

Like undertakers, come to dust!

The action is intruded by yet another crash from the villainous Macavity, which sends the cats scurrying! Old Deuteronomy soothes them, as they come back one by one. It is time for "The Jellicle Ball," the great yearly dance in which all of the cats celebrate

11.The Jellicle Ball

Jellicle cats come out tonight

Jellicle cats come one come all

The Jellicle Moon is shining bright

Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball

Jellicle cats are black and white

Jellicle cats are rather small

Jellicle cats are merry and bright

And pleasant to hear when we caterwaul

Jellicle cats have cheerful faces

Jellicle cats have bright black eyes

We like to practice our airs and graces

And wait for the Jellicle Moon to rise

Jellicle cats develop slowly

Jellicle cats are not too big

Jellicle cats are roly poly

We know how to dance a gavotte and a jig

Until the Jellicle Moon appears

We make our toilet and take our repose

Jellicles wash behind their ears

Jellicles dry between their toes

Jellicle cats are black and white

Jellicle cats are of moderate size

Jellicles jump like a jumping jack

Jellicle cats have moonlit eyes

We're quiet enough in the morning hours

We're quiet enough in the afternoon

Reserving our Terpsichorean powers

To dance by the light of the Jellicle Moon

Jellicle cats are black and white

Jellicle cats (as we said) are small

If it happens to be a stormy night

We will practice a caper or two in the hall

If it happens the sun is shining bright

You would say we have nothing to do at all

We are resting and saving ourselves to be bright

For the Jellicle Moon and Jellicle Ball

Jellicle cats come out tonight

Jellicle cats come one come all

The Jellicle Moon is shining bright

Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball

12.Grizabella

JELLYLORUM

You see the border of her coat is torn

And stained with sand.

And you see the corner of her eye

Twist like a crooked pin.

(instrumental break)

GRIZABELLA

Midnight, not a sound from the pavement

Has the moon lost her memory?

She is smiling alone.

In the lamplight, the withered leaves collect at my feet

And the wind begins to moan.

Every streetlamp seems to beat a fatalistic warning.

Someone mutters, and the streetlamp gutters

And soon it will be morning.

Memory, all alone in the moonlight.

I can smile at the old days.

I was beautiful then.

I remember the time I knew what happiness was.

Let the memory live again.

End of act 1

13.The Moments Of Happiness

The Moments of Happiness

We had the experience but missed the meaning

And approach to the meaning restores the experience

In a different form beyond any meaning we can assign to happiness

The past experience of one life only

But of many generations

Not forgetting something that is probably quite ineffable

Moonlight

Turn your face to the moonlight

Let your memory lead you

Open up Enter in

If you find there the meaning of what happiness is

Then a new life will begin

14.Gus The Theater Cat

Gus is the cat at the theater door

His name, as I ought to have told you before

Is really Asparagus, and that's such a fuss to pronounce

That we usually call him just Gus

His coat's very shabby. He's thin as a rake

And he suffers from palsy that makes his paw shake

Yet he was in his youth quite the smartest of cats

But no longer a terror to mice or to rats

For he isn't the cat that he was in his prime

Though his name was quite famous, he says, in his time

And whenever he joins his friends at their club

(Which takes place at the back of the neighboring pub)

He loves to regale them, if someone else pays

With anecdotes drawn from his palmiest days

For he once was a star of the highest degree

He has acted with Irving, he's acted with tree

And he likes to relate his successes on the halls

Where the gallery once gave him seven cat calls

But his greatest creation as he love to tell

Was Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell

I have played in my time every possible part

And I used to know seventy speeches by heart

I'd extemporize backchat, I knew how to gag

And I knew how to let the cat out of the bag

I knew to act with my back and my tail

With and hour of rehersal, I never could fail

I'd a voice that would soften the hardest of hearts

Whether I took the lead, or in character parts

I have sat by the bedside of poor little Nell

When the curfew was run then I swung on the bell

In the Pantomime Season I never fell flat

And I once understudied Dick Whittington's cat

But my grandest creation, as history will tell

Was Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell

Then, if someone will give him a toothful of gin

He will tell how he once played a part in East Lynne

At a Shakespeare performance he once walked on pat

When some actor suggested the need for a cat

And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained

As we did in the days when Victoria reigned

They never did get drilled in a regular troup

And they think they are smart just to jump through a hoop

And he says as he scratches himself with his claws

Well the theater is certainly not what it was

These modern productions are all very well

But there's nothing to equal from what I hear tell

That moment of mystery when I made history

As Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell

I once crossed the stage on a telegraph wire

To rescue a child when a house was on fire

And I think that I still can much better than most

Produce blood curdling noises to bring on the ghost

And I once played Growltiger

Could do it again, could do it again

Could do it again

15.Growltiger's Last Stand And The Ballad Of Billy McCaw

CHORUS:

Growltiger was a bravo cat who travelled on a barge

In fact he was the roughest cat that ever roamed at large

From Gravesend up to Oxford he pursued his evil aims

Rejoicing in his title of

GROWLTIGER:

The "Terror of the Thames"! Ha ha ha ha!

GRUMBUSKIN:

His manners and appearance did not calculate to please

His coat was torn and seedy, it was baggy at the knees

One ear was somewhat missing, no need to tell you why

And he scowled upon a hostile world from one forbidding eye

CHORUS:

The cottagers of Rotherhithe knew something of his fame

At Hammersmith and Putney, people shuddered at his name

They would fortify the hen house, lock up the silly goose

When the rumor ran along the shore:

GROWLTIGER:

Growltiger's on the loose! Ha ha ha ha!

SOLOS:

Woe to the weak canary that fluttered from its cage

Woe to the pampered Pekinese, that faced Growltiger's rage

Woe the bristly bandicoot that lurks on foreign ships

And woe to any cat with whom Growltiger came to grips

But most to cats of foreign race his hatred had been vowed

To cats of foreign name and race, no quarter was allowed

The Persian and the Siamese regarded him with fear

Because it was a Siamese had mauled his missing ear

TUMBLEBRUTUS:

Now on a peaceful summer night all nature seemed at play

The tender moon was shining bright, the barge at Molesey lay

CHORUS:

All in the balmy moonlight it lay rocking on the tide

And Growltiger was disposed to show his sentimental side

GRUMBUSKIN:

Growltiger's bucko mate, Grumbuskin, long since had disappeared

For to the bell at Hampton he had gone to wet his beard

TUMBLEBRUTUS:

And his bosun, Tumblebrutus, he too had stol'n away

In the yard behind the lion he was prowling for his prey

GROWLTIGER:

In the forepeak of the vessel, Growltiger sat alone

GRIDDLEBONE:

Concentrating his attention on the lady Griddlebone

CREW:

And his raffish crew were sleeping in their barrels and their bunks

SIAMESE:

As the Siamese came creeping in their sampans and their junks

GROWLTIGER:

Growltiger had no eye or ear for aught but Griddlebone

GRIDDLEBONE:

And the lady seemed enraptured by his manly baritone

BOTH:

Disposed to relaxation and awaiting no surprise

SIAMESE:

But the moonlight shone reflected from a thousand bright blue eyes

And closer still and closer the sampans circled 'round

And yet from all the enemy there was not heard a sound

The foe was armed with toasting forks and cruel carving knives

GROWLTIGER AND GRIDDLEBONE:

And the lovers sang their last duet in danger of their lives

GROWLTIGER:

Oh, how well I remember the Old Bull and Bush

Where we used to go down of a Saturday night

Where, when anything happened, it come with a rush

For the boss, Mr. Clark, he was very polite

A very nice house, from basement to garret

A very nice house. Ah, but it was the parrot--

The parrot, the parrot named Billy McCaw

That brought all those folks to the bar

Ah! He was the life of the bar.

Of a Saturday night, we was all feeling bright

And Lily La Rose -- the barmaid that was --

She'd say, "Billy, Billy McCaw!

Come give us, come give us a dance on the bar!"

And Billy would dance on the bar

And then we'd feel balmy, in each eye a tear

And emotion would make us all order more beer

Lily, she was a girl what had brains in her head

She wouldn't have nothing, no not that much said

If it come to an argument or a dispute

She'd settle it offhand with the toe of her boot

Or as likely as not put a fist through your eye

Or when we was happy and just a bit dry

Or when we was thirsty and just a bit sad,

She would rap on the bar with that corkscrew she had

And say,

GROWLTIGER AND GRIDDLEBONE:

"Billy, Billy McCaw!

GROWLTIGER:

"Come give us a tune on your pastoral flute!"

And Billy'd strike up on his pastoral flute

GROWLTIGER AND GRIDDLEBONE:

And Billy'd strike up on his pastoral flute

GROWLTIGER:

And then we'd feel balmy, in each eye a tear

And emotion would make us all order more beer

GROWLTIGER AND GRIDDLEBONE:

"Billy, Billy McCaw!

Come give us a tune on your moley guitar!"

And Billy'd strike up on his moley guitar

And then we'd feel balmy, in each eye a tear

And emotion would make us all order more beer

CHORUS:

Billy, Billy McCaw!

Come give us a tune on your moley guitar

GROWLTIGER:

Ah! He was the life of the bar.

GENGHIS:

Then Genghis gave the signal to his fierce Mongolian hordes

With a frightful burst of fireworks, the chinks they swarmed aboard

Abandoning their sampans, their pullaways, and junks

They battened down the hatches on the crew within their bunks

Then Griddlebone she gave a screech for she was badly skeered

I'm sorry to admit it, but she quickly disappeared

GROWLTIGER:

She probably escaped with ease I'm sure she was not drowned

CHORUS:

But a serried ring of flashing steel Growltiger did surround

The ruthless foe pressed forward in stubborn rank on rank

Growltiger to his vast surprise was forced to walk the plank

He who a hundred victims had driven to that drop

At the end of all his crimes was forced to go ker-flip, ker-flop!

GROWLTIGER:

Ahhhhh!!!

CHORUS:

Oh there was joy in Wapping when the news flew through the land

At Maidenhead and Henley there was dancing on the Strand

Rats were roasted whole in Brentford and Victoria Dock

And a day of celebration was commanded in Bangkok!

(DANCE -- SIAMESE)

GUS:

These modern productions are all very well

But there's nothing to equal from what I hear tell

That moment of mystery when I made history

16.Skimbleshank's The Railway Cat

Skimbleshanks the Railway cat, the cat of the railway train

There's a whisper down the line at eleven thirty - nine

When the night mail's ready to depart

Saying, "Skimble, where is Skimble has he gone to hunt the thimble

We must find him or the train can't start"

All the guards and all the porters and the stationmaster's daughters

Would be searching high and low

Saying "Skimble where is Skimble for unless he's very nimble

Then the night mail just can't go."

At eleven forty-two with the signal overdue

And the passengers all frantic to a man

That's when I would appear and I'd saunter to the rear

I'd been busy in the luggage van!

Then he gave one flash of his glass - green eyes

And the signal went "all clear"

They'd be off at last to the northern part of the northern hemisphere!

Skimbleshanks the Railway cat, the cat of the railway train

You might say that by and large it was me who was in charge

Of the Sleeping Car Express

From the driver and guards to the bagmen playing cards

I would supervise them all more or less

Down the corridor he paces and examines all the faces

Of the travellers in the first and the third

He established control by a regular patrol

And he'd know at once if anything occured.

He would you watch you without winking and he saw what you were thinking

And it's certain that he didn't approve

Of hilarity and riot so that folk were very quiet

When Skimble was about and on the move

You could play no pranks with Skimbleshanks

He's a cat that couldn't be ignored

So nothing went wrong on the Northern Mail

When Skimbleshanks was aboard

It was very pleasant when they'd found their little den

With their name written up on the door

And the berth was very neat with a newly folded sheet

And not a speck of dust on the floor

There was every sort of light, you could make it dark and bright

And a button you could turn to make a breeze

And a funny little basin you're supposed to wash your face in

And a crank to shut the window should you sneeze

Then the guard looked in politely and would ask you very brightly

Do you like your morning tea weak or strong

But I was just behind him and was ready to remind him

For Skimble won't let anything go wrong

When the crept into their cozy berth and pulled the counterpane

They all could reflect that it was very nice

To know that they wouldn't be bothered by mice

They can leave all that to the railway cat

The cat of the railway train

Skimbleshanks the railway cat, the cat of the railway train

In the watches of the night I was always fresh and bright

Every now and then I'd have a cup of tea

With perhaps a drop of scotch while I was keeping up the watch

Only stopping here and there to catch a flea

They were fast asleep at Crew and so they never knew

That I was walking up and down the station

They were sleeping all the while I was busy at Carlisle

Where I met the stationmaster with elation

They might see me at Dumfries if I summoned the police

If there was anything they ought to know about

When they got to Gallowgat there they did not have to wait

For Skimbleshanks will help them to get out

And he gives you a wave of his long brown tail

Which says "I'll see you again"

You'll meet without fail on the Midnight Mail

The cat of the railway train

You'll meet with outfail on the Midnight Mail

The cat of the railway trail

17.Macavity: The Mystery Cat

Macavity!

Macavity's a Mystery cat: He's called the Hiddenpaw

For he's the master criminal who can defy the law

He's the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad's despair

For when they reach the scene of crime Macavity's not there!

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity

He's broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity

His powers of levitation would make a fakir stare

And when they reach the scene of crime Macavity's not there

You may seek him in the basement, you may look up in the air...

But I tell you once and once again, Macavity's not there!

Macavity's a ginger cat, he's very tall and thin

You would know him if you saw him for his eyes are sunken in

His brow is deeply lined in thought, his head is highly domed

His coat is dusty from neglect, his whiskers are uncombed

He sways his head from side to side, with movements like a snake

And when you think he's half asleep, he's always wide awake

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity

He's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity

You may meet him in a by - street, you may see him in the square

But when a crime's discovered then Macavity's not there!

He's outwardly respectable, I know he cheats ..at cards..

And his footprints are not found in any files of ..Scotland.. Yard's

And when the larder's looted ...or the jewel case is rifled

Or when the milk is missing or another peke's been stifled

Or the greenhouse glass is broken and the trellis past repair

There's the wonder of the thing Macavity's not there!

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity

There never was a cat of such deceitfulness and suavity

He always has an alibi, and one or two to spare

What ever time the deed took place Macavity's not there!

And they say that all the cats whose wicked deeds are widely known

I might mention Mungojerrie, I might mention Griddlebone

Are nothing more than agents for the cat who all the time

Just controls the operations: the Napoleon of Crime!

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity

He's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity

You may meet him in a by - street, you may see him in the square

But when a crime's discovered then Macavity, Macavity

Macavity, Macavity

When a crime's discovered then Macavity's not there

(instrumental)

We have to find old Deuteronomy

18. Mr. Mistoffelees

You ought to ask Mr. Mistoffelees!

The original Conjuring cat

There can be no doubt about that.

Please, listen to me, and don't scoff, all his

Inventions are off his own bat.

There's no such cat in the metropolis,

He holds all the patent monoplies,

For perfoming surprising illusions,

And creating eccentric confusion.

The greatest magicians have something to learn

From Mister Mistoffelees Conjuring Turn

And we all say

Oh! Well I never was there ever

A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

He is quiet, he is small he is black

From his ears to the tip of his tail

He can creep through the tiniest crack

He can walk on the narrowest rail

He can pick any card from a pack

He is equally cunning with dice

He is always decieving you into believing

That he's only hunting for mice

He can play any trick with a cork

Or a spoon and a bit of fish paste

If you look for a knife or a fork

And you think it merely misplaced

You have seen it one moment and then it is gone

You'll find it next week lying out on the lawn!

And we all say

Oh! Well I never was there ever

A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

PRESTO!

Oh! Well I never was there ever

A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

Oh! Well I never was there ever

A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

Oh! Well I never was there ever

A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

My manner is vague and aloof

You would think there is nobody shyer

But my voice has been heard on the roof

When I was curled up by the fire

And I've sometimes been heard by the fire

When I was about on the roof

At least they all heard that somebody purred

Which is uncontestable proof

Of my singular magical powers

And I've known the family to call

Me in from the garden for hours

When I was asleep in the hall

And not long ago this phenominal cat

Produced seven kittens right out of a hat

And we all say

Oh! Well I never was there ever

A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

Oh! Well I never was there ever

A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

And not long ago this phenominal cat

Produced seven kittens right out of a hat

And we all say

Oh! Well I never was there ever

A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

Oh! Well I never was there ever

A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

Oh! Well I never was there ever

A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

Oh! Well I never was there ever

A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

Oh! Well I never was there ever

A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

Oh! Well I never was there ever

A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

19.Memory

Midnight

Not a sound from the pavement

Has the moon lost her memory?

She is smiling alone

In the lamplight

The withered leaves collect at my feet

And the wind begins to moan

Memory

All alone in the moonlight

I can smile at the old days

I was beautiful then

I remember the time I knew what happiness was

Let the memory live again

Every streetlamp

Seems to beat a fatalistic warning

Someone mutters

And the streetlamp gutters

And soon it will be morning

Daylight

I must wait for the sunrise

I must think of a new life

And I musn't give in

When the dawn comes

Tonight will be a memory too

And a new day will begin

Burnt out ends of smoky days

The stale cold smell of morning

The streetlamp dies, another night is over

Another day is dawning

Touch me

It's so easy to leave me

All alone with the memory

Of my days in the sun

If you touch me

You'll understand what happiness is

Look, a new day has begun

20.The Journey To The Heaviside Layer

Up up up past the Russell Hotel

Up up up to the Heaviside Layer

Up up up past the Russell Hotel

Up up up to the Heaviside Layer

Up up up past the Russell Hotel

Up up up to the Heaviside Layer

Up up up past the Russell Hotel

Up up up to the Heaviside Layer

Up up up past the Jellicle Moon

Up up up tp the Heaviside Layer

Up up up past the Jellicle Moon

Up up up past the Heaviside Layer

The mystical divinity of unashamed felinity

Round the cathedral rang "Vivat"

Life to the Everlasting Cat

21.The Ad-Dressing Of Cats

You've heard of several kinds of cat

And my opinion now is that

You should need to interpreter to understand our character

You've learned enough to take the view

That cats are very much like you

You've seen us both at work and games

And learnt about our proper names

Our habits and our habitat

But how would you ad - dress a cat

So first, your memory I'll jog

And say: A cat is not a dog

So first, your memory I'll jog

And say: A cat is not a dog

With cats, some say, one rule is true

Don't speak 'till spoken to

Myself I do not hold with that

I say, you should ad - dress a cat

But always bear in mind that he resents familiarity

You bow, and taking off your hat, ad - dress him in this form "O Cat"!

Before a cat will condescend

To treat you as a trusted friend

Some little token of esteem is needed, like a dish of cream

And you might now and then supply

Some caviar or Strassburg pie

Some potted grouse or salmon paste

He's sure to have his personal taste

And so in time you reach your aim

And call him by his name

A cat's entitled to expect

These evidences of respect

So this is this and that is that

And there's how you ad - dress a cat

A cat's entitled to expect these evidences of respect

So this is this, and that is that

And there's how you ad - dress a cat

End of musical

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