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Half Man Half Biscuit - Arthur's Farm Lyrics

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  • Arthur Askey and Dougie Wougie Bader,
  • Went down to the Animal Farm.
  • Dougie was a bore,
  • With his stories from the war.
  • And explaimed about the boil on his palm.
  • Napoleon, very pink, offered both of them a drink,
  • And a drink and a drink and a drink.
  • Come the hour of four,
  • there were legless to be sure,
  • Not one of them had even had a wink,
  • Of sleep.
  • Everybody sang as loud as they could,
  • "Two legs bad, but four legs good!"
  • This made the boys feel pretty impressed.
  • {? K. Winding film ?}, it was A.A at the helm,
  • While Dougie played a quacker on the roof.
  • After amputating limbs and {? the Oil of Murphy ?} hymns
  • And a sign saying second-hand hooves.
  • Years passed by, it got crazy in the sty.
  • It was good, but it was total apathy!
  • Everybody asked around
  • As the Beast of Eeling Sound,
  • Had been ruined by a busy busy bee!
  • And shouts were heard from the East to the West,
  • "Four legs good, but no legs best!"
  • Invalidity reigned supreme.
  • And shouts were heard from the East to the West,
  • "Four legs good, but no legs best!"
  • One-time visiters were now the regime

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