Jonathan Coulton - Kenesaw Mountain Landis Lyrics
Kenesaw Mountain Landis was a bad mother *****erHe was seventeen feet tall, he had a hundred and fifty wivesHe didn't do that much except he saved the game of baseballHe put two and two together and he noticed it was fourNow the treachery of Shoeless Joe can't hurt us anymoreAnd he'll always be remembered as Kenesaw Mountain LandisFellow named Joe Jackson was a fielder for the Black SoxAnd he always wore his black socks, but he never wore no shoesHe weren't the nicest fellow and he had a couple problemsCause he drank a lot and he beat his wife and he always acted rudeHe killed and ate some babies and he copped an attitudeAnd the one man that he hated most was Kenesaw Mountain LandisThe mafia said Shoeless JoeYou should really run this showYou should be the guy who owns baseballAnd all you really gotta doIs help us make a buck or twoWe'll bet on the other teamYou'll lose the game but make it seemLike nothing could be further from the truthShoeless Joe did what they said he dropped a couple fly ballsAnd he walked up to the pitcher and he poked him in the eyeAnd in the seventh inning with the Black Sox nearly beatenThere was someone who was watching from his blimp above the standsCradling a rifle in his thick and meaty handsAnd as if you hadn't guessed yet it was Kenesaw Mountain LandisKenesaw said drop that gloveOr I swear by God aboveI'll make you regret playing baseballAnd Shoeless Joe looked up and sawThe silver rifle's gaping mawAnd though no one had noticed yetHis underwear was getting wetHe peed himself in front of everyoneShoeless Joe was finished but he couldn't quite admit itSo he raised his middle finger up above the other fourAnd Kenesaw took careful aim and fired a single bulletAnd he shot that dirty finger off and he dropped his trusty gunAnd everybody in the stands knew that he had wonAnd today they still refer to him as Kenesaw Mountain LandisShoeless Joe left baseball and became a famous pop starAnd he asked the musical question is she really going out with himHe had a couple albums and a comeback in the 80'sBut he never won a Grammy and he never was the sameAnd he never could be satisfied with critical acclaimCause the critics all confused him with the great Elvis CostelloYes the critics all confused him with the great Elvis Costello
