Tim Minchin - The Good Book Lyrics
Life is like an ocean voyage and our bodies are the shipsAnd without a moral compass we would all be cast adriftSo to keep us on our bearings, the Lord gave us a giftAnd like most gifts you get, it was a bookI only read one book, but it's a good book, don't you knowI act the way I act because the Good Book tells me soIf I wanna know how to be good, it's to the Good Book that I go'Cos the Good Book is a book and it is good and it's a bookI know the Good Book's good because the Good Book says it's goodI know the Good Book knows it's good because a really good book wouldYou wouldn't cook without a cookbook and I think it's understoodYou can't be good without a Good Book 'cos it's good and it's a bookAnd it is good for cookin'I tried to read some other books, but I soon gave up on thatThe paragraphs ain't numbered and they complicate the factsI can't read Harry Potter 'cos they're worshipping false gods and thatAnd Dumbledore's a poofter and that's bad, 'cos it's not goodMorality is written there in simple white and blackI feel sorry for you heathens, got to think about all thatGood is good and evil's bad and goats are good and pigs are crapYou'll find which one is which in the Good Book, 'cos it's goodAnd it's a book, and it's a bookI had a cat, she gave birth to a litterThe kittens were adorable and they made my family laughBut as they grew they started misbehavin'So I drowned the little *****ers in the bathWhen the creatures in your care start being menacesThe answers can be found right there in Genesis! Chapter 6, Verse 5-7! Swing your partner by the handHave a baby if you canBut if the voices your headSay to sacrifice your kidTo satiate your loving God's***** for dead baby bloodIt's simple fate, the Book demandsSo raise that knife up in your hand! Before the Good Book made us good, there was no good way to knowIf a thing was good or not that good or kind of touch and goSo God decided he'd give writing allegoric prose a goAnd so he wrote a book and it was generally well-receivedThe Telegraph said, "This God is reminiscent of the Norse."The Times said, "Kind of turgid, but I liked the bit with horses."The Mail said, "Lots of massacres, a violent tour de force."If you only read one book this year, then this one is a bookAnd it is good, and it's a book! Swing your daughter by the handBut if she gets raped by a manAnd refuses then to marry himStone her to death! If you just close your eyes and block your earsTo the accumulated knowledge of the last two thousand yearsThen morally, guess what? You're off the hookAnd thank Christ you only have to read one bookJust because the book's contentsWere written generations henceBy hairy desert-dwelling gentsSquatting in their dusty tentsJust because what Heaven saidWas said before they'd leavened breadJust 'cos Jesus couldn't readDoesn't mean that we should needWhen manipulating human genesTo alleviate pain and fight diseaseWhen deciding whether it's wrong or rightTo help the dyin' let go of lifeOr stop a pregnancy when it'sJust a tiny blastocystThere's no reason why we should take a lookAt any other bookBut the Good Book'Cause it's goodAnd it's a bookAnd it's a bookAnd it's quite good! Good is good and evil's badAnd kids get killed when God gets madAnd you'd better take a good lookAt the Good Book
