Bedlam Bards - The Ball of Ballinor Lyrics
Four and twenty virgins came down from Inverness,When the ball was over, there were four and twenty less.ChorusBalls to your partner, Arse against the wallIf you canna get on a Saturday nightYou canna get at allThe bride was in the bedroom, a talking to the groom,The front! the front!! And not the back's the entrance to the womb.ChorusThe queen was in the parlor, eatin' bread and honey,The king was in the chambermaid, and she was in the money!ChorusThe deacon's wife, well she was there, with her butt against the wall,Put your money on the counter boys, I'm gonna convert you all.ChorusThere was \ in the kitchen and \ on the stones,Ya' couldna hear the music for the \ and the groans.ChorusThe village butcher he was there, a cleaver in his hand,And every time he turned around, he circumcised the band.ChorusThe village blacksmith, he was there, his balls were made of brass,And when they clacked together, lightning shot out from his ass.ChorusCedric the Fiddler, he was there, 'tis true I tell you so,He entertained the ladies while he rosined up his bow.ChorusHawke the Balladeer was there, drunken as a lout,Strummin' on his instrument to see what would cum out.ChorusThe village chandler, he was there, filling in the cracks,His hand was in the honey comb, his wick was in the wax.ChorusSome horny Vikings they were there, along with Eric the Red,They wore their horns inside their pants, instead of on their heads.ChorusThe Clan MacRaven, they were there, all around the keep,They ate up all the haggis, and they buggered all the sheep.ChorusThe letter carrier he was there, the poor man had the pox,He couldna the lassies, so he the letter box.ChorusThe village cripple, he was there, I did not like him much,He lined them up against the wall, and \ with his crutch.ChorusThe village drunkard, he was there, boisterous and loud,He was swinging from the chandelier and whizzin' on the crowd.ChorusThe village idiot he was there, can you imagine that?Amusing himself by abusing himself and catchin' it in his hat.ChorusThe village \ she was there, she \ \,and every time she \, \ closed the door.ChorusWhen the ball was over, everyone confessed,The music was exquisite, but the f**kin' was the best.ChorusChorus
