Weird Al Yankovic - Albuquerque Lyrics
Here are the actual song lyrics.Note: lyrics in italics denote lyrics that were sung.Lyrics:Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement half a block down the street from jerrys bait shopYou know the placeWell anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachyExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morningMy mother would make me a big bowl of sauerkraut for breakfastAwww - big bowl of sauerkrautEvery single morninIt wa driving me crazyI said to my momI said hey, mom, whats with all the sauerkraut?And my dear, sweet motherShe just looked at my like a cow looks at an oncoming trainAnd she leaned right down next to meAnd she said its good for youAnd then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouthAnd force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty six and a half years oldThats when I swore that somedaySomeday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away placeWhere the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beerAnd the towels are oh so fluffyWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day longAnd anyone on the street will glady shave your back for a nickelWacka wacka doodoo yeahWell, let me tell you, people, it wasnt long at all before my dream came trueBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contestTo see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in leonard nimoys buttI was off by three, but I still won the grand prizeThats right, a first class one-way ticket toAlbuquerqueAlbuquerqueOh yeahYou know, Id never been on a real airplane beforeAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really greatExcept that I had to sit between two large albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odorAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin up the whole timeThe flight attendants ran out of dr. pepper and salted peanutsAnd the in-flight movie was bio-dome with pauly shoreAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned outAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillsideAnd the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody diedExcept for meYou know why?cause I had my tray table upAnd my seat back in the full upright positionHad my tray table upAnd my seat back in the full upright positionHad my tray table upAnd my seat back in the full upright positionAh ha ha haAh ha haAhhhhSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin wreckageI crawled on my hands and kneew for three full daysDraggin along my big leather suitcase and my garment bagAnd my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ballAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkelBut finally I arived at the world famous albuquerque holiday innWhere the towels are oh so fluffyAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wannaIts ok, theyre cleanWell, I checked into my room and I turned down the a/cAnd I turned on the spectravisionAnd Im just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillowThat I love so very, very much when suddenly, theres a knock on the doorWell now, who could that be?I say who is it?No answerWho is it?Theres no answerWho is it?Theyre not sayin anythingSo, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspectedIts some big fat hermaphrodite with a flock-of-seagulls haircut and only one nostrilOh man, I hate it when Im rightSo anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkelAnd Im like hey, you cant have thatThat snorkels been just like a snorkel to meAnd hes like toughAnd Im like give itAnd hes like make meAnd Im like kaySo I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagusAnd I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrowsAnd I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigationYes indeed, you better believe itAnd somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hookAnd twenty seconds later, I heard a farmiliar voiceAnd you know what it said?Ill tell you what it saidIt saidIf youd like to make a call, please hang up and try againIf you need help, hang up and then dial your operatorIf youd like to make a call, please hang up and try againIf you need help, hang up and then dial your operatorIn albuquerqueAlbuquerqueWell, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkelBut I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not restI would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justiceBut first, I decided to buy some donutsSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shopAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counterAnd he says yeah, what do ya want?I said you got any glazed donuts?He said no, were outta glazed donutsI said you got any jelly donuts?He said no, were outta jelly donutsI said you got any bavarian cream-filled donuts?He said no, were outta bavarian cream-filled donutsI said you got any cinnamon rolls?He said no, were outta cinnamon rollsI said you got any apple fritters?He said no, were outta apple frittersI said you got any bear claws?He said wait a minute, Ill go checkNo, were outta bear clawsI said well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?He says all I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weaselsI said ok, Ill take thatSo he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump outAnd they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin me all over(rabid gnawing sounds)Oh man, they were just going nutsThey were tearin me apartYou know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started goin through my headI believe it went a little something like this . . .DohGet em off meGet em off meOhNo, get em off, get em offOh, oh god, oh godOh, get em off meOh, oh godAh, (more screaming)I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my faceWavin my arms all around and just runnin, runnin, runninLike a constipated weiner dogAnd as luck wouls have it, thats exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreamsHer name was zeldaShe was a caligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peachesIll never forget the first thing she said to me.She said hey, youve got weasels on your faceThats when I knew it was true loveWe were inseperable after thatAw, we ate together, we bathed togetherWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental flossThe world was our burritoSo we got married and we bought us a houseAnd had two beautiful children - nathaniel and superflyOh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeahBut then one fateful night, zelda said to meShe said sweetie pumpkin? do you wanna join the columbia record club?I said woah, hold on now, babyIm just not ready for that kinda commitmentSo we broke up and I never saw her againBut thats just the way things goIn albuquerqueAlbuquerqueAnyway, things really started lookin upi for meBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dreamThats right, I got me a part-time job at the sizzlerI even made employee of the month after I put that grease fire out with my faceAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after thatI was gettin a lot of attitudeOk, like one time, I was out in the parking lotTryin to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencilWhen I see this guy marty tryin to carry a big ol sofa up the stairs all by himselfSo i, I say to him, I say hey, you want me to help you with that?And marty, he just rolls his eyes and goesNo, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsawSo I didAnd then he gets all indignant on meHes like hey man, I was just being sarcasticWell, thats just greatHow was I supposed to know that?Im not a mind reader for cryin out loudBesides, now hes got a really cute nickname - torso-boySo whats he complaining about?Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdoteThis guy comes up to me on the street and says he hasnt had a bit in three daysWell, I knew what he meantBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular veinAnd hes yellin and screamin and bleeding all overAnd Im like hey, come on, dontcha get it?But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming(screaming sounds)You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situationMan, some people just cant take a joke, you know?Anyway, um, um, where was i?Kinda lost my train of thoughtUh, well, uh, okAnyway i, I know its kinda been a roundabout way of saying itBut I guess the whole point Im tryin to make here isI hate sauerkrautThats all Im really tryin to sayAnd, by the way, if one day you happen to wake upAnd find yourself in an existential quandryFull of loathing and self-doubtAnd wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existenceAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing thatSomewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up universe of oursTheres still a little place calledAlbuquerqueAlbuquerqueAlbuquerque, albuquerqueAlbuquerque, albuquerqueAlbuquerque, albuquerqueAlbuquerque, albuquerqueI said a (a)L (l)B (b)U (u)Querque (querque)Albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerqueAlbuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerqueAlbuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerqueAlbuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerqueAlbuquerque(belch)Here are the lyrics from the album booklet.Note: the following lyrics are type exactly as they appear in the booklet.Lyrics:Way back when I was just a little bitty boyLiving in a box under the stairs in a corner ofThe basement of the house half a block downThe street from jerrs bait shop... you knowThe place... well anyway, back then life wasGoing swell and everything was juuuuustPeachy... except of course for the undeniableFact that every single morning my motherWould . . . you know what? the rest of these lyricsArent gonna fit on here. theres just no roomLeft. what a drag, huh? I guess we didnt planThis out very well . . . probably shouldve used aSmaller font or a bigger piece of paper or some-Thing. sorry. we all feel just horrible about this.Well, I guess youll just have to listen really carefullyAnd try to figure out the words for yourself.Good luck.
