Weird Al Yankovic - COUCH POTATO Lyrics
Parody of "Lose Yourself" by EminemLookIf you hadOne shotTo sit on your lazy buttAnd watch all the TV you ever wantedUntil your brain turned to mushWould you go for itOr just let it slip?YoRemote is readyEyes wide, palms are sweatyThere's Flintstone's on the TV alreadyWilma N' BettyNo virgin to channel surfinAnd I'm HD readySo I flip, garbage is all I'm gettingThere's Simon CowellWho folks wanna disembowelHe opens his mouth, always says something foulThey're dying, Wow!Wannabe's are crying nowHe votes them outTime to throw in the towelShow's based on realityOh the humanity!Oh! Ozzy's family!Sho' loves profanity!Whoa! The insanity!Oh! Dogs that crap and peeHome of depravity?No! They live happilyYo! Plus "The Ali G Show"And "Celebrity Mole"Oh there's Anna NicoleShe's scaring me"Look ma, no cavities!"Oh! It's a station breakBetter go out to the kitchen and microwave something"You're gonna lose your mind watchin TV"They told me, they'd scold meBut I still tune in every show (show)My cable gets C-SPAN, TV Land and HBOThe Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime (yo)"You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV"They told me, cajoled me"Turn off those music videos!" (no!)I'm gonna watch C-SPAN TV Land and HBOThe History Channel and QVC and Lifetime (yo)"You're Gonna..."My butt is achingAs I watch NASCAR racingThat show about undertakingLarry King to "24" to "Law and Order"The Weather Channel's boring like 60 MinutesAncient reporters next up on "E True Hollywood Story"The rise and decline of twelve actors named CoreyShows for next fall, they've already been naming"CSI: Boise", and "Touched By An Uncle", both sound prettying lame, manso does "Everybody Tolerates Raymond"and "King of Queens" jumped the shark the first minuteI can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it.I'll move right on to "8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenaged Daughter"Then I bet I'll watch "The Bachelorette"Followed by "Welcome Back, Kotter"And "The Muppet Show" where they go "Mahna Mahna""You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"They told me, they'd scold meBut I still tune in every show (show)My cable gets C-SPAN, TV Land and HBOThe Disney Channel, and A&E and Lifetime"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"They told me, cajoled meBut I still love Lisa Kudrow (drow)I'm lookin' at C-SPAN, TV Land and HBOThe Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime (yo)Never missed "Melrose Place" or "Lost in Space"I've seen each "Amazing Race" and "Without a Trace"But I only watched "Will and Grace" one time one dayWished I hadn't cause TiVo now thinks I'm gayOh, and "Fear Factor" I watched maybe a half hourAfter that felt like I needed a long showerNetwork execs with ***** ambition"Next week on FOX - watch lions eat Christians!"Like to tie up those programming plannersMake'em watch all of that junk 'til their heads explode just like "Scanners"Leech-covered grub-eating fools on "Survivor"Look, there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob SchneiderAnd there's Gilligan and SpongeBob, plus there's MacGyverAnd Jay Leno has got Madonna and hey, there's Luke PerryAnd a special all pig-latin episode of "Drew Carey"Wanna turn on ET cause I'm a gossip freakAnd I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin' this weekA 30 second spot, then we come back to "Are You Hot?"I was planning on recording "The Sopranos". I forgot!I love shows with or without a plotI stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshotBecause I only have gotone brain to rotI'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"They told me, they'd scold meBut I still tune into every show (show)My cable's gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBOThe Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime (yo!)"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"They told me, cajoled me,"Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show!" (no!)I got it on C-SPAN, TV Land and HBOThe Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime (yo!)You can watch anything you want to, man.
