Weird Al Yankovic - Your Horoscope For Today Lyrics
aquariusThere's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of aSpeeding busFill that void in your pathetic life by playing whack-a-mole seventeen hours aDayPiscesTry to avoid any virgos or leos with the ebola virusYou are the tru lord of the dance, no matter what those idiots at work sayAriesThe look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty poundWatermelon in your colonTrade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to meryl streepTaurusYou will never find tru happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then goBack to sleepThat's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)That's your horoscope for todayThat's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)That's your horoscope for todayGeminiYour birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulenceYour love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin throughYour chestCancerThe position of jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down inThe mudTry not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver'sTestLeoNow is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss'sFace, oh noEat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon ofStrawberry quikVirgoAll virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for youExpect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled on a stickThat's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)That's your horoscope for todayThat's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)That's your horoscope for todayNow you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that theRelative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deepSignificance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me giveYou my assurance that these forcasts and predictions are all based on solid,Scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron notTo reaize that every single one of the is absolutely true.Where was i?LibraA big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented thatYouLaughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix burstsNext weekScorpioGet ready for an unexpected trip when you call screaming from an open windowWork a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freakSagittariusAll your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)Take down all those ***** pictures of ernest borgnine you've got hanging inYour denCapricornThe stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you knowThey're lyingIf i were you, i's lock my doors and windows and never never never never neverLeave my house againThat's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)That's your horoscope for todayThat's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)That's your horoscope for todayThat's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)That's your horoscope for todayThat's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)That's your horoscope for today
